Schmandypants

Yay, Bush Administration.

2008-10-12T01:23:00.000-07:00

How old is the Grand Canyon? Park Service won't say

The Word of Wisdom isn't all about health

2008-06-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

Some reasons why you may want to consider following the Word of Wisdom for obedience's sake.

Coffee Aroma Alone Combats Sleep Deprivation
Study: drinking coffee may help reduce diabetes risk
Eat (Chocolate), Drink (Coffee) and be Merry

Of interest

2008-06-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

A species with such Big Brains that it may well have killed them. Is thinking harder than we do lethal? =)

War and misogyny may be as closely related as the term "chauvinist" suggests.

Chicken brains

2008-05-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

Animal Planet News: "Chickens think about the future"

New York Times: "If chickens are so smart, why aren't they eating us?"

EggIndustry.com: Chicken intelligence - expert opinions

Milius, Susan. "Breaking the Code on Chicken Clucks." Science News, 156:9 (28 Aug 1999) 135.

Quebec name changes

2008-05-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

"Both spouses keep their birth names after marriage and continue to exercise their civil rights under that name, i.e. they must use their birth name in contracts, on credit cards, on their driver's licence, etc. However, women are free however to assume their husband's name socially. Women married before April 2, 1981 who already use their husband's last name to exercise their civil rights may continue to do so." (Quebec Ministry of Justice)

CTV.ca article on marital name change in Quebec (2007)

Articles to read

2008-05-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

Senate makes themselves useful for the first time in my memory

Myanmar becomes slightly less unbelievably insane

The US tries to pick a Cold War

Appeals court rules Texas is plagued with judicial idiot

Most common sleeping positons

2008-05-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

New Class Blog

2008-05-03T13:54:00.001-07:00

The Obligatory Blog, for my Persuasive Writing class, is under way.

Andyogramy

2008-04-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

I have a new post at andyogramy.blogspot.com. Random exercises from last night.

New list

2008-04-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

My newest list is a list of things I don't like to eat. My mom has been asking me for this list since the beginning of time, so now I'm writing it down as I think of it. Love you, Mom. Thanks for putting up with your picky sons.

Graduation

2008-04-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

I applied for graduation! Somehow, having given the school $15 to print out my diploma just makes it all so much more real. Too bad I'm still here for another 4 months.

Also, I'm really cuddle-hungry. I've been thinking all day about how much fun it is to relax on the couch with someone you love, and also how much of a difference it makes if that love is of the romantic sort. It's too bad my beliefs disqualify me in the eyes of a substantial percentage of the school's available women.

It's probably the most frustrating part of my day-to-day here at this school that I realise this is one of the few places in America where my faith is semi-criminal. It's strange how persecution can be both the cross a community professes to carry and the weapon it wields against those around it; at the same time, it's the abused that are most likely to become abusers, isn't it? Maybe I should concentrate on that point of view so I don't fall into the same pattern myself.

Confucianism versus Mormonism

2008-04-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I think I'm trying to get myself expelled from BYU. It's a good thing my TA is Understanding. Here's the last paragraph of my most recent homework entry, on the differences between Confucianism and Mormonism.

The greatest difference I can see between the two schools of thought is that while Confucianism is rather misogynistic, it makes no attempts to justify its beliefs, nor does it pretend to put men and women on any sort of equal ground. The Church of Jesus Christ, instead of embracing its sexism, continues to make bland and unconvincing claims that the roles of men and women are separate, but equal. While my position is obviously very much an inflammatory one, I stand behind it, and am quite willing to discuss it in greater detail. I consider the chauvinism of the Church quite beyond reasonable doubt, and while I reserve a personal opinion of the Church's gender roles, I don't mean to suggest God would have them defined otherwise.

K'iche' play

2008-03-28T21:09:00.001-07:00

The play was entitled "the Death of Seven Macaw". When I read the Popol Wuj version of the story, it seemed more to me that he just lost all his coolness, and therefore had nothing to make him noteworthy. He does die, though, so it must have just been the translation I read that confused me.

I have pictures on Facebook. I think you should be able to view them even without an account, but if you have a problem, let me know.

View the program for "All the College is a Stage"

Updates I realise I never provided

2008-03-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

A) I am single. Classic Red and I broke up in January. Her choice.

B) I am an existentialist. This also involves weak atheism.

C) I am trying not to hate God anymore. If He doesn't exist, there isn't much to hate anyway, is there? Also, I have a feeling that when I leave BYU and feel somewhat liberated from Big Brother, I may realise that the Church itself wasn't all that bad. I may even decide the same about God.

D) I am probably taking way too much lithium. I can't see how anything else could be knocking me out like this.

Too lazy

2008-03-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

There are so many important things I should be doing with my time. Why am I here, writing a blog post?

Too lazy.

Now, I feel great pride for the simplicity of life that is mine right now. I love the fact that I can sleep 10 of the 14 daylight hours with minimal damage to my agenda, but that doesn't mean it ends up being much fun. I mean, the first 8 hours of anything can be okay, depending on what it is and who's on your team. But after 13 hours of being unconscious, you want to spend some quality time building enough memories to keep you believing that it really is possibly Tuesday already.

Classes are going great. I'm feeling good about grades, and pretty okay decent maybe not so much about language fluency. I tell you what though, there's nothing like taking K'iche' and ASL at once to get you translating everything that walks by into ideas, rather than words. I hear that's harder than it sounds - that many people don't really believe that it's possible for most people to think in complete thoughts without introducing a syntax and sound system to the brew. Maybe they're right, but I feel that, at certain times of clear thought, I can manage it.

There's a couple being ridiculously cute just in my peripheral vision. She looks a bit like Broom Curls. He looks nothing like Existential Linguist. As expected, they've raised my blood pressure a tad.

And I'm officially watching my weight. Yes, the referees of my health are sprinting to my navel as we speak. The goalkeepers of my marrow are beelining it for my bones.

Two months later

2008-03-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

Not much of a post, but here it comes.

In the new section of the library, from the first floor to the second is 15 feet. From the second to the third is 17.5 feet. The scale model that is located on the first floor has the school floating about on a level with my belt (measurement pending). The scale is 1":40'. From the first floor to the third floor totals in 32.5 feet, or 390 inches. 390 inches on the scale equals 15,600 feet. The distance from the first floor to the surface of the model is about 3.5 feet, and the distance from the third floor to my eye level is about 5.5 feet. That means an extra 2 feet for the total height from my eye to the model. 2 feet equals 960 feet on the scale. Therefore, when I look down at the model, the model looks as it would if I were 16,560 feet above the campus, which is a moderately high (but common enough) altitude for skydiving.

God is greater.

2008-01-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

Low Quality Version
High Quality Version
I'm not sure how to feel about this. From what I read on the website, seems (I'm not good with Arabic) to suggest that God is the one who made the cows fly past the car in Twister and is also the one who killed 300,000 people in the 2004 tsunami disaster. Comments from the peanut gallery?

Hermestra is the name of my Daemon. Huh.

2007-12-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

Happy belated Thanksgiving!

2007-12-05T15:34:00.000-08:00

Phew, life's been busy. I'm not sure where I should start.

I just started dating Classic Red officially, and then today I find out the girl I had a crush on for like two months turns out to be my next-door neighbor. If there's any celestial superpower, it must not want me dating French Linguist, or really wants me dating Red. As it is, I'll pretend like I have some modicum of choice in the workings of my life.

Anyway, to catch you up, Red and I sent frequent emails to one another during her stay at home. She came back Friday, and Friday night I informed her of the crush I had on her. She said that she might have one too, or something like that. We finished off the night by arranging a date the next day, to go on a picnic.

Saturday: It was getting cold (autumnishly cold), so I made us grilled cheese sandwiches and this organic pepper and tomato soup that comes in a carton and is amazing. The soup went into a thermos, and the sandwiches went into a Tupperware container with some apples and carrots. That evening I told her I'd like to hold her hand or maybe hold her around the waist. She didn't know how she felt about hand holding. She'd never tried it. In an awkward demonstration of her kindness she said that I could choose one (hand or waist). This bland offer of 'action' was just too odd, and we decided we'd wait until she was more sure of how she felt.

Sunday: I slept through church, which I'm sure made a great impression. Anyway, she got back from this or that (laundry?), and so we went to my place to watch 'My Man Godfrey' via http://www.archive.org. The battery started running low on the laptop, so we went downstairs to plug it in. At some point she suggested we would be more comfortable on the couch. I positioned the laptop on my thighs/knees, and tried to sit comfortably. After some number of minutes, she put her head on my shoulder, and some time after that she grabbed my hand. I was ecstatic and confused. We finished the movie, watched Flight of the Conchords and 'Making Fiends' for a while, and then just cuddled. Neither of us knows what changed her mind.

Monday: We kissed. With the help of my contagious cold, we've been trying to build a friendship, and not base our feelings on physicality. Wish us luck.

The Classic Red Story

2007-11-20T15:44:00.000-08:00

So, we met at ward break the fast. Roommate H and Red's roommate Indy Vintage, finished eating and went to my place for dessert. Then we went to the reading for a ward member's sitcom-to-be. It was good. Then we went to the CES fireside. Then we went back to our place, and Red and I ended up spending a number of hours talking about various things. Around 10:30 or 11:00, she had to go home to bed for school the next morning. I walked her home, and asked her out for that Wednesday. She said yes.

On Wednesday, I picked her up from her place and we went over to my childhood friend's place. There, we set up a tent/fort out of twine and blankets and then went and had crepes and smoothies. After the crepes and smoothies, we sat under the blanket, and read a scary ABC book with various voices. Then people who had them told ghost stories. Before the momentum could run out, it was time to go home. I was glad, because that meant we had momentum left for the walk home. We talked, and then arrived at her place. She showed me her back yard and a hammock, both which she had recently discovered. We sat in the hammock and talked about all of the things we liked about the Bubble and all the things we liked about home. It was getting late, so we walked to her door and shared an awkward hug.

I can't remember how or when I asked her, but a weekish later, we went to go see Amelie at International Cinema, first stopping by Sugar 'n Spice for my best try at the perfect milkshake. It ended up that I'd gotten Amelie's date wrong, so we just went over to the MOA and checked out two of the exhibits while talking a ton. Then I went to a showing of the Seagull with a friend.

On Friday afternoon, I brought over a yellow Gerbera Daisy and a note, thanking her for hanging out with me the day before. Late Friday night, I got a call from my apartment saying I had a gift. I got home, and discovered a pomegranate, two Tofutti Cuties (soy ice cream sandwiches) and a really nice note. According to witnesses, it's promising.

So now we've just talked a few times over the phone and email, as she's been with her family. Hopefully there will be more to the story in about a week.

Thoughts from class

2007-11-14T12:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, while I'm at school I think back on my visit to see Broom Curls, and remember how I felt as she pulled away in her car. I remember wanting so badly to hail a taxi and follow her back to town to look for an apartment. My heart told me that going back to Provo would be turning my back on the most beautiful moments of my life, that it would be worse than dying. My logical mind won out in the end, assuring me that getting through school would be the best thing for Curls' and my future together. I told myself not to worry, that I would see her again soon enough.

I look back at those logical conclusions, and all the sense that I can still see in them. But now there is no future for us, and there is no chance of my ever seeing her again. On that day when I watched her drive away from the airport, I quieted my heart, and put my faith in God. I didn't know it then, but on that day, my mind and faith were ill-advised.

Happy things

2007-11-14T12:07:00.000-08:00

Well, things have been rather great. I went on that date with Classic Red, and had a blast. I think she did too, but I was getting disinterested vibes by the end of the date. Maybe she was just tired, or maybe I'm paranoid. I just called her up for a second date a couple minutes ago, and she can't make it. She's headed home Saturday evening for Thanksgiving. She seemed genuinely disappointed she wouldn't be able to make it, so that made me feel a bit better.

The most random thing I have ever, ever, ever seen happened last night. Some of my roommates and I were hanging out in the downstairs study, when Flatmate K hurtled downstairs. He was wearing a Peruvian hat and a surgical mask, and had a sport coat on a hanger held in his mouth. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he proceeded to do a stiff-legged jig, eyes wide in alarm.

I proceeded to laugh for the next 15 minutes or so, with frequent outbursts for the rest of the night.

Feminists have more fun

2007-11-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

Check out this article on why feminists have more fun. Interesting.

Boom!

2007-11-05T20:20:00.000-08:00

So much cool. Cool enough to not be able to handle it!

Exhibit A: Halloween (31 October)

Spent the evening with my new friend, Stroll Buddy. It was a lot of fun, and she's super fun to talk to, and the food is good. We went to a nearby Thai establishment, then decided what to do for a while at my place, then attempted a walk to Inexplicable Republican's house. No one was home, so we walked back past the smelly duck pond. We spent another bit at my place reading through random books off Flatmate K's shelf, and finally settled on Seuss's greatest hits. Just before we left, she used her super plant skills to diagnose Nadyezhda. Overwatering, just as I suspected! Then I walked her to the bus stop.

It gets a bit complicated here. We had a nice hug, and then she kissed me on the cheek. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problems with kisses on the cheek, and Buddy is super cool, so I had a blast. I just don't know what the kiss meant. I think we have a lot of good connections to understand each other, but I don't feel any chemistry. I'm just worried about the possible problems that could come up if there was something beyond friendly in that kiss. I don't want to threaten such a natural friendship with awkwardness. For the time being, I guess I'll assume the best.

After that, I went over to EuroCanuck's and met Bright Eyes, an enormously cool guy, and possibly the first man who has been, for me, obviously attractive. I think most of the realisation is a result of the smile -- he has one of the best smiles I've ever seen. Anyway, Canuck and family dressed up in the coolest outfits, and Eyes and I had a blast taking pictures.

Exhibit B: Regina Spektor concert (2 November)

This was the first standing concert I've ever been to. The venue was In the Venue, and was a normal looking dance club. No one danced during the concert, though. And Regina was so real and so fun. And so ADD, or so she claimed. She couldn't concentrate with the audience noise, so she asked that we quiet down, and then asked the drunk people to stuff it several times as the concert went on. I heard a few songs I hadn't before, and all in all, it was flat-out worth every penny.

Exhibit C: Possibly drug-related improvement in mood (past two weeksish)

The lithium may be working. My mood spends more time up than I can remember in the past 1 1/2 years. I still do a lot of wavering, but I feel like I'm finally progressing in my path to move on after Broom Curls. Sometimes, I feel like it took me longer than it needed to to take these steps, but the truth is that I was simply unable to move with the emotions that had laid siege to my life.

I'm also shaking like I have Parkinson's.

Exhibit D: Meeting and asking out Classic Red. (5 November)

So, okay. I met this super-cool girl last night. I don't want to exaggerate or jinx things, so I'll keep it short. Red and I met at a church function in sort of a clash-of-the-titans-esque conglomerate of people that made quick friends. With that group, we went home for junk food and then up to campus and watched part of a student-written sitcom read through, followed by the fireside (Dallin H. Oaks'). We went back home and talked about all sorts of ridiculous stuff as a group, and then things began to sort of separate, and Red and I ended up sitting on a couch reading through a rainforest book and having smallish talk to get to know each other. At 10:00, I walked her home and asked her on a date at the door. She said yes, which was much better than no.

Anyway, to wrap up, I'm in a good mood. Now it's time to bring this laptop back to the library and go to bed.

Sleep>consciousness>being out of bed

2007-10-31T15:54:00.000-07:00

I'm very tired of life at this point. It makes me wonder about this medication, because I've been better about my diet, better about exercise, and better about my sleep schedule than I have for months. I am feeling ever the more unwilling to date, or even make friends. Life involving other people seems sometimes to be solely a source of discomfort proportionate to my care for them. On days like today, I wish I lived in a cave and ate tubers.

Perpetual stupidity

2007-10-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

Why do I have so many memories of being stupid, and doing stupid things, and thinking stupid things? Am I doomed to stupidity memories forever? I've been thinking about how I would feel in twenty years about my obsession with Broom Curls. I want to say I would agree with my present self, that I have reason to be depressed, obsessed, and inconsolable. I'm not so sure, though. If I'm singing lullabyes to my little daughter, could I really feel that any part of the life that brought me there wasn't worth it?

This, I guess, has to do with accepting the past. It doesn't matter what would be best. What's happened has happened, and it's time to move on. Of course, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I know that Curls is still a part of the present. I can continue to spend my life seeking her favor with a minuscule chance of return, or I can continue on with what I have, with no chance of spending my life with her at all. It's a gamble.

Lunaphile

2007-10-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

I think I've decided that I love the moon.

I was running this morning, and the moon was there, waiting. It had been on the other side of the sky when I walked home the night before. When the moon has waxed full, it seems like the perfect friend for a jaunt, always up for whatever distance you want. Sometimes it's even out during the day, and somehow that seems more spectacular even than its enormous presence in the evening.

Today is study day. And it's also one week from Regina Spektor's concert! I get to study for the next forever, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. Many of the projects I have going on are sincerely interesting. Hopefully I finish, though. Wish me luck.

Getting to know me myself

2007-10-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

I...am annoyed with someone. I'm pretty sure this is the second time in years. I was frustrated with Broom Curls because she wasn't very dependable. She wasn't a liar or anything, she just didn't have the sense of obligation to appointments that I do. Part of the reason I don't like scheduling things is that I feel guilty if I miss them.

This time, it's nothing to do with my schedule. It's just attitude. I don't know how to explain it...just a deep-rooted dichotomy in our perception of the world. I've talked with some close friends about what to do with this juxtaposition of opinions, and it's become flat-out obvious what I need to do. Where I simply disagree, I already know how to deal with it. If I find myself truly miffed, I need to resort to either confrontation (probably without success in the end) or spending less time hanging out.

I'm practicing the clarinet, and taking lessons from Facebook Tutor. It's an adventure, and rather a good sit-in for my AFI 100 goal. I'll have to find something to replace this replacement after a while. I don't have a very good long-term attention span (for things that you think of in months, rather than minutes). I'm also getting semi-lessons on art from Paint Boots, so that should keep me busy. And then there's that whole life thing that keeps getting in the way of the fun.

Happy life wakeup-age

2007-10-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning! Yay! I picked up the CSA produce and an attractive pumpkin! Yay! I checked out a laptop and renewed some books! Yay! I'm listening to Chief Justice Roberts! Yay!

And I'm not a fully fledged jerk. Yay. =) A number of days ago, when my flatmate and I talked about a spiritual realm, I couldn't separate in my mind the absurdities of God from the concepts of extrasensory reality. I had never discussed spiritual reality outside of a theistic context, and said that I disregarded all spiritual experiences, attributing them all to acute instances of hallucination. My atheism spanned to obliterating anything even loosely religious. Roommate K told me respectfully that he felt I was being extremely arrogant claiming that I knew better than millions of people who had had spiritual experiences.

I've been thinking about this, because I was stung a bit by the label of arrogance. Some time in the last couple days, I altered my position. I still find the idea of a benevolent supreme being difficult to swallow, but I do not have any specific evidence of the nonexistence of a spiritual world. I don't believe in it, but the main reason for this is the similarity and coordination between spiritual experiences and religious experiences. It will take a while for me to separate the two, and for the time being, I suspend judgment on the existence of the spiritual. K is pleased to hear I've opened my mind just a bit.

Overcoming apathy

2007-10-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how hard it is to care in the morning. I managed to wake up at 7:30, after waking up to three alarms, plus a couple snoozes. I was awake, looked around the room for a while--completely awake, mind you--and just couldn't care enough to stand up. So I laid there until I was asleep, and then I was late for class and almost late for my make-up test session.

My tremor has gotten worse. I can't do anything that involves midair techniques, like threading a needle or other things I can't think of right now. I'm trying to eat better, and I'm generally succeeding.

It's so good that my life is easy right now. Otherwise I would be so far behind I'd never get out of bed again.

What makes life worth living? Is all of this junk just because of my attitude toward life?

Sleep versus life

2007-10-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

I spent the majority of today--1:30 am to 5:00 pm--sleeping. It was lovely. For about two thirds of the day, I didn't have to deal with anything. I didn't have to deal with my classes, my tests, my feelings, my medication, my life. If only fairy tales were true, and Snow White apples and Aurora spinning wheels were prolific. Unfortunately, it seems more like the case of the Beast, or something more along the lines of a horror story.

I decided I hate dating today, and suddenly I'm going on two doubles in the next week. How does that happen? I got plenty enough shaftage over the past three days, and was convinced that trying to accomplish anything was a waste of time. And as soon as I gave up, everything became easy. That's the story of my life. In high school, I busted my butt to get a 4.0, and as soon as I stopped trying, I got about 25 awards and a full-ride to BYU.

Meds

2007-10-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

Starting last night, I'm on lithium. That brings my current daily medication to 1150mg -- 550 for my liver and 600 for my kidneys. The lithium is for the bipolar mood disorder I might have, and will hopefully fill in the gap the other medications haven't. However, weight gain is common with lithium, so I need to be sure to drink lots of water and watch what I eat.

I called up Lab Girl. about going to Divine Comedy yesterday, but she didn't pick up or call back. I called Facebook Personal with the same result. So now I'm landed like a trout, with no option to call elsewhere, because I left a message with Personal. I hate dating. Why can't I be in love with pasta or something nice like that?

We had the Burma rally today. I woke up, helped out with fliers and shopping, went home, and accidentally slept through the whole thing. Bleh. Anyway, Roommate B got cited for his huge cloth flag thing.

Eye candy at 11:00 (Julia Roberts look-alike) and 1:00 (face of an eastern European model). Isn't it strange that a face can be so enormously attractive, just by itself? The weirdest thing I think is the sudden inability to control eye movement. Not like a full-body checkout, but it's just...like art. It's like the most intriguing art in the world, a woman's face. I feel like there must be something similar with men, but that isn't the way it seems. I can't seem to grasp it. Maybe I'll make up a survey to see what face shapes are more/less attractive to different groups of women (e.g., age, cultural origin, media exposure, educational background, career, relationship status).

I'm making dinner tonight, and I have about a million onions from the co-op. I'll figure something out, I guess.

Wow.

2007-10-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit busy, and right now I'm feeling a bit woozy from a power-sized peanut butter moo'd[R] from the Juice of Jamba.

Interesting tidbit: I can't find any nouns, adjectives or adverbs, or verbs that begin with the voiced 'th' sound (e.g. these, nether, prithee). Why? So weird.

I finished the American Film Institute's 1997 '100 Movies...100 Films' list. We (some friends and I) watched Tootsie at my place with a projector displaying it on our living room wall. There was lots of healthy and unhealthy snack food available, but I was sad that there weren't so many people there. It's hard to free up weekends in college, I know how it is. Anyway, I feel like I need to actually do something with all this knowledge I received through these movies. I'm still trying to decide what would be a good use of my studies, and I can't think of much. Eventually, I'll have to make a video of the best parts of the movies and put comments on each for a better explanation of the value of the film. In the meantime, I'm going to collapse in a corner and sleep.

In the morning

2007-10-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

I seem to be in a recurring pattern of oversleeping one night and undersleeping the next. I guess what I need is for someone to chuck some ice water on me first thing in the morning tomorrow.

I really want to learn Argentine Tango.

* * * * * * * * *

Wake up time, and I actually woke up. Of course, I was half out of it and late, so I managed to dress horribly. I can't remember the last time I looked so bad--I couldn't have made myself uglier if I'd tried. I should take a picture for posterity.

Now it's time to catch up in my internship assignments. I'm only about three months late. Somehow, I have to get signatures from either my tutoring student or program adviser, and I have to write up some internship papers.

Okay. Two sad articles. Please read these and consider them.

Coalition morality - Government officials blame deaths of 15 women and children on the 21 terrorists who held meetings in their neighborhood.

Nobel turns over in grave - Al Gore and the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change have won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Seriously, people. If we can use the logic of the former article, I could be shot through the head at any moment because of the escaping criminal behind me.

And in the latter, the Nobel Prize for Peace--Peace--goes to a guy who has done nothing but complain about the greenhouse effect. Peace. Not the Nobel Climate Prize. Nobel Peace. Do we really suck so bad at peace that some guy who made a movie about something we've all known since kindergarten can get the most socially significant award in the world?

Isn't it strange how we change?

2007-10-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend Stage Presence about what to study and being behind and stuff, and just realised all of a sudden that I was basically caught up in all my classes. I remembered a year and a half ago, falling asleep in almost every class, and failing 7 out of 7.5 credits (the other class was a dance class--hard to fall asleep).

Okay--quick sidestep for the worst movie plot I've ever heard of.

"Mamie is being blackmailed. This filmmaker named Nick claims to know Mamie's son...(read more...) -- the one she gave up for adoption -- but Nick won't introduce her to him unless he can film the reunion. Enter Javier, Mamie's massage therapist boyfriend, who convinces Nick to film him instead. Now they're all making a movie about massage. Charley has a longtime boyfriend named Gil. Their best friends, Pam and Diane, once tried using Gil as a sperm donor. They said his sperm didn't take, but Charley thinks those control-freak lesbians are lying. Pam and Diane's two-year-old son looks exactly like Gil. And, it's time to set the record straight. Jude is pissed. Not at anyone in particular. Just in general. When her cousin kicks her out of the house, Jude shacks up with Otis, who's still trying to convince his father, Frank, that he's straight. Frank's a widower. And, he's rich. So Jude decides to sleep with him, too. The last thing she expected was to fall in love."

And the library's closing. I'll finish this up later.

Trippy

2007-10-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have never ever had such a strange waking up experience before.

Side note: Guy That Looks Like Christian Bale is one seat to the left of me on the other side of the island.

And does iTunes read minds when it picks songs? It's played three favorites in a row--like, I bought these three albums (alba?) for one song each, and those are the three iTunes picked. It's Providence, I suppose. Thanks, God.

Anyhow, I woke up at about 6:00 am and had the very distinct impression that I shouldn't/couldn't move. It was odd--sort of like catatonic schizophrenia, i guess. So I sat there for like five minutes in a slightly uncomfortable position, and suddenly decided that I could move if I wanted to. A minute or two later, I wanted to. A minute or two after that, I bothered to.

And then I fell asleep again.

And I had another dream about being chased. It's not [iTunes messed up right here] that "I'm trying to run and can't" sort of dream. It's more of a "Bourne Identity" kind of chased, like I have to be in perpetual motion or the They will catch me. I bet half of the dreams I remember when I wake up are along this train of thought. I should really look it up and pick my brain apart. With tweezers.

[I want one of Mrs. Wagner's pies, so I can walk off to look for America.]

Last night I had a hard time again. My friend Dance Therapist walked me around for a bit and listened and was just generally there for me. It was really nice, because we seemed to share a physical language, just being close and touching. I say that and it sounds sexual, but it wasn't. I've never had a sister, but I'm guessing that's what hugging one would be like. I didn't feel like I had to pull away to avoid social taboo, except for when people walked by. Feeling the calming touch of someone who wasn't my mom helped me on the road to believing that some day I can be happy without Broom Curls, and that was so helpful. I need to feel that I can count on someone to be there for me--not just emotionally, but physically also.

I still need to call Lab Girl. and ask her for a date. It's strange trying to go on dates, because I want to invest myself in it, but somehow I can't. I'm just being socially acceptable, and can't really even make friends. I feel hollow. Should I call her and set up a date and hope that after going on enough dates with enough girls, I'll get into the swing of things and enjoy myself? I guess I'll invite her to this Tootsie thing on Saturday. It's going to involve way too many people to feel funky, and maybe the junk food will work to loosen me up.

If I haven't mentioned Syntax yet, I will now. Poopy, poopy Syntax. Today completely solidified my belief that it makes no sense. Of course, I've noticed that when I have a hard time understanding something, I ridicule it to keep from feeling stupid. But I still think I'm right. =)

So, yesterday I woke up at like 2:00 pm, and there was a package for me. I opened it, saw that it was my Regina Spektor CD, and then fell asleep. Honestly, sometimes I couldn't go out any faster if I was using a tranquilizer gun. I need to exercise more, but every time I go running, I do something wrong, and then I have tendinitis for a week. And yes, that's spelt right. I should probably fix up my bike and start biking. Or maybe I should go swim at the RB. Votes?

Strangenesses

2007-10-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

My eyes sting. Stupid crazy tear ducts.

I slept through almost all my classes today. I was late for my last one, because I woke up at 4:00. Yes, PM.

I'm posting pictures to Facebook right now, and there are way a lot of them. I tried to spruce them up--the color balance and so forth-- because they were often too dark/bright.

This is one of those times when I feel like I'm writing in my blog just to write in my blog.

I listened to conference over the weekend. Most of it I had a hard time tuning into, but one of the ones that really did it for me was Jeff Holland's on Christianity. I think he explained the LDS faith well: people claiming authority--not of Nicea, but of Christ himself.

Playing in puddles

2007-10-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

I went to "Across the Universe" last night. One of the movie's kisses seems to have set me off, and I cried through the last third of the film and all the way back to my friends' place. I walked home from there, and felt as upset as ever until I saw a clogged storm drain. The Wet Seal store in the mall where we watched the film was giving out hangers for free, so I had taken three. I took off my shoes, rolled up my pant legs, and used a hanger and my hands to clear the debris from the grate.

It's really something to watch--one of the best parts of a good rain. It had been raining all evening, so the backed up pool had come over the curb and stretched across the road. I walked through the water, stepping up onto the curb, and then used one of my new hangers to sound out the asphalt at the edge of the street. I quickly found the soft feel of clumps of soggy leaves, and knew that must be where the grate was. After scraping for a while with the hanger, I gave up and scraped with my hand, my left shirt cuff rolled up above my elbow.

Everyone should try this at some point. You pull the leaves out, and it's like pulling the drain plug on an enormous tub; the water begins to whirl around into a rather large tornado, and you can see the water level dropping. You continue to pull leaves off the grate as they continue to clot the storm drain like a heart attack victim's ventricles. Eventually you accidentally open another hole in the thick coating of leaves on the drain, and another whirlpool opens up.

Pseudoscientists take note: the Coriolis effect, which makes storms north of the equator spin counterclockwise and south of the equator clockwise, has no effect on latitude differences as small as toilets, tubs, or even huge pools in the middle of the road. The first tornado spun clockwise and the second spun counterclockwise. This makes sense because whirlpools, like electrons or gears, like to spin in opposite directions in order to (in the case of whirlpools and gears, at least) reduce friction, spinning complementarily instead of contrarily.

Doing something I hadn't done much since childhood lightened my mood a bit, partially because doing something so odd in the middle of the night made me feel so carefree.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better. I really need to set up dates with those girls and get myself socialising again.

I feel happy! I feel hap--oof!

2007-10-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

I think I'll go for a walk.

I must have some of the coolest friends in the world.

I went back to the Cliché and Collusion with 30s Gangster, and oh the fun. We (she--I just stood there looking happy) even got to be interviewed by the girl with the clipboard. Last time I did that I got like a $15 gift certificate to the MOA souvenir shop thing.

School's going pretty great, except that Theoretical Syntax is evil. As far as I can figure out, we're learning to understand language in the same way computers do. There's a reason people beat supercomputers at chess, people. Why the heck am I trying to emulate one?

Apparently, I may have some Canadian Native American in me. By this I mean America the continent, Canada the country, by which I mean some great grandpa RCMP or something went out and found him a nice native girl, eh?

Problem is that all of the names I know on that side of the family are the grandparents still kicking old age's trash. I mean, it's a good thing they're still around, but it doesn't help me to identify my grandma Veda Pilling LeBaron's parentals. Her records don't emerge until she's buried. I'll have to ask my dad to send me a family tree, and so forth.

Other than Eskimos, I have unfortunately never heard of a Native...Canadian before. And apparently Canada shares the honor of Eskimos with Greenland -- today in Phonology we learned about the phonological structure of the Greenlandic Eskimo tongue (language). I hear there's even a picture of my Non-Indo-European foremother and her husband. That would be cool, eh?

The true purpose of scientific discovery is expanded sense of humor.

2007-10-05T14:22:00.001-07:00

My dad just sent me two very eccentric scientific studies. One is hilarious, and the other one is slightly funny, but mainly just interesting to me (others may find it only funny).

Awesome Brother

2007-10-03T16:53:00.001-07:00

My awesome brother being awesome again. Click on the picture, and check out under 'Evergreen High School'.

Saving birds, one marshmallow at a time.

2007-10-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

I love my literacy teacher. That's definitely my favorite class, and it's basically just because he's so cool.

I have two amazing new songs: the Captain Planet Theme (worse than I remembered) and a Punjabi/50 cent mix. It's amazing, and I'm going to do what I can to get it onto this blog. Man, it's great.

I am the craziest sleep crazy ever. Two nights ago I slept 15 hours, and missed every single class, including the 3:00 one. Last night I didn't sleep at all, and amused myself with the Gospel of John and downloading my favorite music onto my palm pilot for no good reason. Some day I'm really going to have to try sleeping healthy hours.

I am still on a quest to discover the best milkshake ever. I'm getting closer--yesterday I had a marionberry one, and it was pretty dang good.

The Law according to Andy

2007-10-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

So, I went through and blandified a bit of my blog. I caught myself writing the way I do in my journal. I don't think that's a bad thing, but some things aren't for public consumption and would probably cause some discomfort among the general public.

I've been thinking a lot about Fairtax. It's a pretty cool idea, and you should learn more about it if you hate income tax. I still have a ton of questions, but they're more and more to understand the Fairtax and less to test it. And who really wants the IRS? Well, I guess a lot of accountants and IRS workers. I wonder if there's something we can do about that.

Speaking of which.... Isn't it interesting that even with the technology we have, people still have to work to get basic necessities? Why? Working for cars, for mansions, for ice cream, for cigarettes, for mascara I can understand. But why, for the love of Grace, do we have to struggle to purchase food produced by machines and the Earth (and minimal labor, when compared to yield)?

The cool thing about Fairtax as I know it is that products are not taxed, only retail. This could feasibly increase local family farm income, as their product wouldn't be taxed until it was being sold by a grocery store. I don't know if this actually is the case, but I have a feeling I've got it right. Someone correct me if not. The prebate is ingenious, by the way. Props, Fairtax. A prebate sent at the beginning of the year will make up for the taxes paid on the bare necessities of life. Baloo would be proud.

This leaves one thing to be desired, as far as I'm concerned. I don't think a single person should have to work for basic necessities (food, clothing, basic housing). A healthy life is the right of every human being, whether they're complete slobs or Mother Teresa. Anything beyond poverty, however, must be earned (in my eyes).

This brings me to another problem, though. Capital punishment. Slobs are fine, but should a murderer (a person who has violated another person's right to live) retain the right to life? Should a rapist (a person who has violated another person's right to health) retain that right? The more I think about it, the more strongly I feel the answer is no. No, no, flat out no.

What about those innocent people who are charged with murder? This is perhaps the ugliest answer I've ever heard, but they are casualties--language suggested to me by a close friend. The war is between those who would violate another's right to life and those who would support another's right to life. In the fight to save lives of innocent people, there is a chance of good people being caught in the crossfire. I believe we should do everything in our power to support the concept of "innocent until proved guilty" (UN Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 11; emphasis added), but recognise that errors are made in the system in which we reside, and will certainly be lessened when every murderer or rapist understands that werf can go through with the crime, but can plan on being charged, convicted, and punished in kind (murder=death penalty).

Let me know the problems with this argument. I hate it, but I support it. Not for justice, but for the lives and innocence of those who will be assaulted or killed due to our fear of misjudgement (Matthew 23:24).

Newly shod.

2007-09-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

I bought four pairs of shoes today. Three were women's. I think my whole wardrobe will be women's clothes by the end of the year.

Anyway, all the women's pairs have a black base. The ones I'm wearing right now have concentric stars radiating from a point on the outside of the shoe. The color of the stars looks like that glow-in-the-dark stuff and I'm excited to see if that's actually the case. Another pair has some sort of polka dots or something, and there's a pair that's flat-out black. The last pair is a men's pair, and they are brown plaid. They fit the best, and cost the most, but probably match the least of my wardrobe. Hmm....

It's about time to go. At ease, as you were, and about face.

"When this old world starts a-gettin' me down,

2007-09-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

and people are much to much for me to face...."

Today is Broom Curls' birthday, so I left her a voicemail wishing her a happy one, and spoke a little to her on Gchat. I miss her. I dreamed last night that I saw her at a football game, and tried to not make things awkward. When she caught sight of me, she came over and gave me a hug. I collapsed in a mixture of relief and pain. Beyond that I'll keep to myself--nothing questionable or off-color, just personal.

My hands smell like garlic. I made Eggplant Parmesan, and somehow got the garlic into my skin. It's not from eating it, because it's just my hands. Roommate C or H or someone threw together a spinach salad with goat cheese, and I bought a loaf of French bread and a half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream. I cooked up some Bananas Foster (flambé) to top the ice cream. Overall it was a success. The eggplant was a bit too thickly sliced, and a little bit rubbery, but overall it was good.

For all who haven't heard about Burma/Myanmar and everything going on there, please check this out. I'm not in the right mood to be talking about depressing things.

Dear friends,

Thanks for being around for me. It might seem like your love doesn't always seem to help me feel better, but know that I'd be completely lost without each and every one of you.

The wind tunnel that was the JKB

2007-09-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was trying to exit the JKB after class. For some reason there was an enormous pressure difference between the inside and the outside. You had to lean all the way into the door to get it to open, and then it was like the wind of hell but a lot cooler. It reminded me of movies where Charlie Chaplin is walking against the wind or where people open the door on the plane (except backwards) or like that scene in X-Men III when Wolverine is getting everything except for his pants ripped off by the evil wind.

My ears popped when I finally got outside.

Too Much Fun

2007-09-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting next to this really cute girl in the lab this one day, and I'm trying with everything I've got to come up with a reason to talk to her. I turn my music off so if the opportunity arises, I won't have to yank the earphones off. She finishes her book, and I'm a little nervous, but it looks like she has something on Blackboard to read still. Phew.

I'm done with my homework, so I have plenty of time to be really awkward. Charla read me a speech she wrote on awkwardness. That was last night. I'm wondering how I can apply the good points.

The best part of sightseeing on BYU campus--the ring check. She's got a nice ring on her left middle finger. Is that sort of an attempt to ward people off a bit?

It's a quiz. She's doing a quiz. Oh, great. I probably have a quiz worth of time to suck it in and go for it. Which I probably won't do. Don't I have enough stress without trying to ask out random girls in the library? If only.

The bag poke. She's cleaning up. Here's my chance if I ever had one....

************************************************************************

Well, folks, I'm successful. I am one phone number the richer, and all it cost me was one clean pair of pants. Almost. Talk about nerve-wracking. I'm not so good at talking any more, but at least I can look over and not feel as awkward as before.

In my note:
"I'm not sure if there's a kosher way of doing this, so at the risk of being awkward, could I get your phone number?
[] Yes
[] No
[] I'm getting a restraining order if you ever talk to me again."

She marked A first, dabbled around C, and then pushed the note back over to me.

So there you have it. I have Lab Girl's phone number, and it'll probably take me another week to get up the nerve to call her, and seeing as she's gorgeous, she'll probably be engaged by then.

Ulterior Motives

2007-09-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked 15 months since Broom Curls ended our relationship for the last time. Since then, I've lost faith in God, but still want Curls. Thing is, they come in a package, if at all. Curls has an unshakable testimony of the Church's divine purpose. I'm pretty sure I'd do anything to get her back, which means I can imagine believing in God for her. But does that really work?

Curls aside, I'm perfectly comfortable (and possibly happier) without God and all those loose ends that trip me up. But I also have no purpose in life, and no passion for it. With Curls, I (usually) had both. It seems sort of a Catch-22, at least if I was planning on ever having any sense of fulfillment.

So there's this possibility of finding God and then finding Curls I think I have about as much chance of that as I do of making a hole-in-one on a par 5 golf course (I can't play worth crap), but it seems to be the only way I can be happy. Or I could wander the world, godless and desultory, and hope to run into someone for whom I feel half so much love as I did for Curls, eternally wondering if I could have been happier.

I don't expect anyone to have a real answer for any of the above. But perhaps someone does have an answer for this: How do I find God when any attempt would be entirely spurred on by a longing for Curls? I can't pretend to care otherwise. For all you theists out there, how do I develop a genuine interest in finding God?

Also, I promised my Home Teachers (members of my congregation assigned to check in on my physical and spiritual well-being) to read the scriptures and pray. Reading the scriptures has been no problem. I'm working on the NIV translation of John, as suggested by my friend Soren. But all of my heartfelt prayers in the past few months have been along the lines of "Dear God, I hate You. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." Somehow, I don't think that's what they were aiming for. What do I say to a God I feel is a mass delusion? What do I say to a God that, were He to exist, I would blame for the rape, murder, molestation, torture, brainwashing, enslavement, beating, and/or starving to death of hundreds of thousands of children every day? I can't think of anything but "Heavenly Father, how could you? Amen."

Poo power!

2007-09-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

Funny thing I learned in the past week:

The United States poops roughly 1200 tons per hour. Well, really 'excretes', which I suppose includes pee. But hey, one way or another. Talk about being full of crap. (I found this out because US farm animals apparently poop 130 times more than we do -- 43 tons per second.)

Goals for Today

2007-09-22T15:05:00.001-07:00

Okay~

Hopefully today I will get a lot done. Probably not, but that's the hope. I at least need to get what's due on Monday done, but I really should write the intro to my senior paper.

After that, I need to go to Payless and buy some cheap shoes that have rubber soles and breathable uppers. Once the snow starts, those will be rather important. Right now, I have all kinds of shoes except for ones that can get me, daily, to and from campus in the snow. Let's hope I find some good'uns.

It would be great if I could figure out how to pin down a teaching licensure in the near future, but I'm not really sure how I can pull it off. I'm looking at a grad school in Boone, NC, but I need to have a license to start school there. Maybe I'll just have to pick one up at UW before I go into grad school hardcore.

The sorta weekend has sorta started.

2007-09-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I had class yesterday. Therefore, I'm free and clear today, by which I mean I can spend my whole day working on the four or five papers I have to do. Isn't college great? I'm so glad I'll be basically done with my major after this semester.

Now I'm looking at a year from now, and wondering what I'll be doing. Life is much simpler since I stopped hoping for a mission. But now, I'm running into the inescapable fact that I have no experience in any way in the field I want to spend the rest of my life in. Sounds strange, but it's true. So basically, I have no idea what to do. I'm looking at grad schools that work with Peace Corps, but I dunno if I have the qualifications to get anywhere.

I just heard about this artist named Regina Spektor. Amazing. I like her piano and downplayed songs the best, and her words are beautiful as is her technique as are her music videos. I suggest to anyone to try her out.

Tendonitis and Crepitus

2007-09-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

I've apparently got tendinitis. I'd been limping the past couple days, and my foot was creaking -- yes, creaking. So I looked up creaking tendons, basically, and found a pretty good description of what was going on.

Isn't it strange how many diseases there are? Well, anyhow, I'm not limping any more and I know what to do to lose it. Stop jackrabbiting my exercise intensity.

I've got my fingers crossed that I have class today. No, really. I know one of my teachers said he'd be gone for the next period, so we didn't have class. If it wasn't today's teachers, it's tomorrow's, which means no class Friday! Weekend starting this evening, woot! But really I'll just spend the time writing papers anyway.

Teenage Fathers Don't Suck All That Bad

2007-09-19T18:49:00.002-07:00

Go figure.

19 months

2007-09-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

Today marks 19 months since the last time I saw Broom Curls. I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about her lately. Of course, I'm studying a lot, too. You know, a lot of people say that they'll never fall in love again, but how many never do? I don't know which group I want to be in.

It's such a good feeling to be nearly caught up with my reading. I apparently celebrate this by going shopping and writing blogs in order to fall behind again. =) But I got two pairs of pants. They're both women's, I think. One of them is somewhat dark, which is good. I think my body shape needs dark jeans.

I have a new song for my favorites. "The Nearness of You", by Hoagy Carmichael (music) and Ned Washington (lyrics). I suppose that song means I'm probably going to fall in love again. I love being in love, but it's so hard to admit that Curls is gone. And beyond that, I find it hard to believe that there's a girl out there who could make me happier than Curls could. I guess if I meet her, part of how I'll know is that she'll be in love with me too. And I guess our views of God will be more similar.

For all of you just itching to take four linguistics classes at once, let me just tell you that the overlap gets a bit monotonous after a few weeks. It's a good thing I do my homework out of habit.

I am a rock. I am an island.

2007-09-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

I got to help my roommate C plant some beans yesterday. It was really fun, but I must have poked a spider, because I have this small, slightly painful bump on my middle finger. That was the hand doing all the digging.

I have some of the most amazing friends ever, who sent me a bunch of stuff to bring me to a better place in life -- music, books, words of wisdom, &c. I'm really enjoying it all, so far. Thanks, you anonymous awesome people, you.

And I might be going to Vegas! Yay! But that would be Thanksgiving if it happens -- still a ways off, but hey.The fun of the thing is a Cirque du Soleil Beatles tribute concert. I doubt we'll spend too much time on the strip.

Class time!

Born Again

2007-09-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Some day I'll be able to hold on to a blog long enough to make it worth it. Today, I'm learning how to do homework. Obviously, since I'm starting a blog while talking about catching up in class, I don't entirely grasp the concept of buckling down. But I'm okay with that.

I'm off to get bagels at the bookstore. They're half off Saturdays, and so you get these fantastic bagels for the price of many store brands.