Friday, December 14, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Happy belated Thanksgiving!
Phew, life's been busy. I'm not sure where I should start.
I just started dating Classic Red officially, and then today I find out the girl I had a crush on for like two months turns out to be my next-door neighbor. If there's any celestial superpower, it must not want me dating French Linguist, or really wants me dating Red. As it is, I'll pretend like I have some modicum of choice in the workings of my life.
Anyway, to catch you up, Red and I sent frequent emails to one another during her stay at home. She came back Friday, and Friday night I informed her of the crush I had on her. She said that she might have one too, or something like that. We finished off the night by arranging a date the next day, to go on a picnic.
Saturday: It was getting cold (autumnishly cold), so I made us grilled cheese sandwiches and this organic pepper and tomato soup that comes in a carton and is amazing. The soup went into a thermos, and the sandwiches went into a Tupperware container with some apples and carrots. That evening I told her I'd like to hold her hand or maybe hold her around the waist. She didn't know how she felt about hand holding. She'd never tried it. In an awkward demonstration of her kindness she said that I could choose one (hand or waist). This bland offer of 'action' was just too odd, and we decided we'd wait until she was more sure of how she felt.
Sunday: I slept through church, which I'm sure made a great impression. Anyway, she got back from this or that (laundry?), and so we went to my place to watch 'My Man Godfrey' via http://www.archive.org. The battery started running low on the laptop, so we went downstairs to plug it in. At some point she suggested we would be more comfortable on the couch. I positioned the laptop on my thighs/knees, and tried to sit comfortably. After some number of minutes, she put her head on my shoulder, and some time after that she grabbed my hand. I was ecstatic and confused. We finished the movie, watched Flight of the Conchords and 'Making Fiends' for a while, and then just cuddled. Neither of us knows what changed her mind.
Monday: We kissed. With the help of my contagious cold, we've been trying to build a friendship, and not base our feelings on physicality. Wish us luck.
I just started dating Classic Red officially, and then today I find out the girl I had a crush on for like two months turns out to be my next-door neighbor. If there's any celestial superpower, it must not want me dating French Linguist, or really wants me dating Red. As it is, I'll pretend like I have some modicum of choice in the workings of my life.
Anyway, to catch you up, Red and I sent frequent emails to one another during her stay at home. She came back Friday, and Friday night I informed her of the crush I had on her. She said that she might have one too, or something like that. We finished off the night by arranging a date the next day, to go on a picnic.
Saturday: It was getting cold (autumnishly cold), so I made us grilled cheese sandwiches and this organic pepper and tomato soup that comes in a carton and is amazing. The soup went into a thermos, and the sandwiches went into a Tupperware container with some apples and carrots. That evening I told her I'd like to hold her hand or maybe hold her around the waist. She didn't know how she felt about hand holding. She'd never tried it. In an awkward demonstration of her kindness she said that I could choose one (hand or waist). This bland offer of 'action' was just too odd, and we decided we'd wait until she was more sure of how she felt.
Sunday: I slept through church, which I'm sure made a great impression. Anyway, she got back from this or that (laundry?), and so we went to my place to watch 'My Man Godfrey' via http://www.archive.org. The battery started running low on the laptop, so we went downstairs to plug it in. At some point she suggested we would be more comfortable on the couch. I positioned the laptop on my thighs/knees, and tried to sit comfortably. After some number of minutes, she put her head on my shoulder, and some time after that she grabbed my hand. I was ecstatic and confused. We finished the movie, watched Flight of the Conchords and 'Making Fiends' for a while, and then just cuddled. Neither of us knows what changed her mind.
Monday: We kissed. With the help of my contagious cold, we've been trying to build a friendship, and not base our feelings on physicality. Wish us luck.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The Classic Red Story
So, we met at ward break the fast. Roommate H and Red's roommate Indy Vintage, finished eating and went to my place for dessert. Then we went to the reading for a ward member's sitcom-to-be. It was good. Then we went to the CES fireside. Then we went back to our place, and Red and I ended up spending a number of hours talking about various things. Around 10:30 or 11:00, she had to go home to bed for school the next morning. I walked her home, and asked her out for that Wednesday. She said yes.
On Wednesday, I picked her up from her place and we went over to my childhood friend's place. There, we set up a tent/fort out of twine and blankets and then went and had crepes and smoothies. After the crepes and smoothies, we sat under the blanket, and read a scary ABC book with various voices. Then people who had them told ghost stories. Before the momentum could run out, it was time to go home. I was glad, because that meant we had momentum left for the walk home. We talked, and then arrived at her place. She showed me her back yard and a hammock, both which she had recently discovered. We sat in the hammock and talked about all of the things we liked about the Bubble and all the things we liked about home. It was getting late, so we walked to her door and shared an awkward hug.
I can't remember how or when I asked her, but a weekish later, we went to go see Amelie at International Cinema, first stopping by Sugar 'n Spice for my best try at the perfect milkshake. It ended up that I'd gotten Amelie's date wrong, so we just went over to the MOA and checked out two of the exhibits while talking a ton. Then I went to a showing of the Seagull with a friend.
On Friday afternoon, I brought over a yellow Gerbera Daisy and a note, thanking her for hanging out with me the day before. Late Friday night, I got a call from my apartment saying I had a gift. I got home, and discovered a pomegranate, two Tofutti Cuties (soy ice cream sandwiches) and a really nice note. According to witnesses, it's promising.
So now we've just talked a few times over the phone and email, as she's been with her family. Hopefully there will be more to the story in about a week.
On Wednesday, I picked her up from her place and we went over to my childhood friend's place. There, we set up a tent/fort out of twine and blankets and then went and had crepes and smoothies. After the crepes and smoothies, we sat under the blanket, and read a scary ABC book with various voices. Then people who had them told ghost stories. Before the momentum could run out, it was time to go home. I was glad, because that meant we had momentum left for the walk home. We talked, and then arrived at her place. She showed me her back yard and a hammock, both which she had recently discovered. We sat in the hammock and talked about all of the things we liked about the Bubble and all the things we liked about home. It was getting late, so we walked to her door and shared an awkward hug.
I can't remember how or when I asked her, but a weekish later, we went to go see Amelie at International Cinema, first stopping by Sugar 'n Spice for my best try at the perfect milkshake. It ended up that I'd gotten Amelie's date wrong, so we just went over to the MOA and checked out two of the exhibits while talking a ton. Then I went to a showing of the Seagull with a friend.
On Friday afternoon, I brought over a yellow Gerbera Daisy and a note, thanking her for hanging out with me the day before. Late Friday night, I got a call from my apartment saying I had a gift. I got home, and discovered a pomegranate, two Tofutti Cuties (soy ice cream sandwiches) and a really nice note. According to witnesses, it's promising.
So now we've just talked a few times over the phone and email, as she's been with her family. Hopefully there will be more to the story in about a week.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Thoughts from class
Sometimes, while I'm at school I think back on my visit to see Broom Curls, and remember how I felt as she pulled away in her car. I remember wanting so badly to hail a taxi and follow her back to town to look for an apartment. My heart told me that going back to Provo would be turning my back on the most beautiful moments of my life, that it would be worse than dying. My logical mind won out in the end, assuring me that getting through school would be the best thing for Curls' and my future together. I told myself not to worry, that I would see her again soon enough.
I look back at those logical conclusions, and all the sense that I can still see in them. But now there is no future for us, and there is no chance of my ever seeing her again. On that day when I watched her drive away from the airport, I quieted my heart, and put my faith in God. I didn't know it then, but on that day, my mind and faith were ill-advised.
I look back at those logical conclusions, and all the sense that I can still see in them. But now there is no future for us, and there is no chance of my ever seeing her again. On that day when I watched her drive away from the airport, I quieted my heart, and put my faith in God. I didn't know it then, but on that day, my mind and faith were ill-advised.
Happy things
Well, things have been rather great. I went on that date with Classic Red, and had a blast. I think she did too, but I was getting disinterested vibes by the end of the date. Maybe she was just tired, or maybe I'm paranoid. I just called her up for a second date a couple minutes ago, and she can't make it. She's headed home Saturday evening for Thanksgiving. She seemed genuinely disappointed she wouldn't be able to make it, so that made me feel a bit better.
The most random thing I have ever, ever, ever seen happened last night. Some of my roommates and I were hanging out in the downstairs study, when Flatmate K hurtled downstairs. He was wearing a Peruvian hat and a surgical mask, and had a sport coat on a hanger held in his mouth. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he proceeded to do a stiff-legged jig, eyes wide in alarm.
I proceeded to laugh for the next 15 minutes or so, with frequent outbursts for the rest of the night.
The most random thing I have ever, ever, ever seen happened last night. Some of my roommates and I were hanging out in the downstairs study, when Flatmate K hurtled downstairs. He was wearing a Peruvian hat and a surgical mask, and had a sport coat on a hanger held in his mouth. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he proceeded to do a stiff-legged jig, eyes wide in alarm.
I proceeded to laugh for the next 15 minutes or so, with frequent outbursts for the rest of the night.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Boom!
So much cool. Cool enough to not be able to handle it!
Exhibit A: Halloween (31 October)
Spent the evening with my new friend, Stroll Buddy. It was a lot of fun, and she's super fun to talk to, and the food is good. We went to a nearby Thai establishment, then decided what to do for a while at my place, then attempted a walk to Inexplicable Republican's house. No one was home, so we walked back past the smelly duck pond. We spent another bit at my place reading through random books off Flatmate K's shelf, and finally settled on Seuss's greatest hits. Just before we left, she used her super plant skills to diagnose Nadyezhda. Overwatering, just as I suspected! Then I walked her to the bus stop.
It gets a bit complicated here. We had a nice hug, and then she kissed me on the cheek. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problems with kisses on the cheek, and Buddy is super cool, so I had a blast. I just don't know what the kiss meant. I think we have a lot of good connections to understand each other, but I don't feel any chemistry. I'm just worried about the possible problems that could come up if there was something beyond friendly in that kiss. I don't want to threaten such a natural friendship with awkwardness. For the time being, I guess I'll assume the best.
After that, I went over to EuroCanuck's and met Bright Eyes, an enormously cool guy, and possibly the first man who has been, for me, obviously attractive. I think most of the realisation is a result of the smile -- he has one of the best smiles I've ever seen. Anyway, Canuck and family dressed up in the coolest outfits, and Eyes and I had a blast taking pictures.
Exhibit B: Regina Spektor concert (2 November)
This was the first standing concert I've ever been to. The venue was In the Venue, and was a normal looking dance club. No one danced during the concert, though. And Regina was so real and so fun. And so ADD, or so she claimed. She couldn't concentrate with the audience noise, so she asked that we quiet down, and then asked the drunk people to stuff it several times as the concert went on. I heard a few songs I hadn't before, and all in all, it was flat-out worth every penny.
Exhibit C: Possibly drug-related improvement in mood (past two weeksish)
The lithium may be working. My mood spends more time up than I can remember in the past 1 1/2 years. I still do a lot of wavering, but I feel like I'm finally progressing in my path to move on after Broom Curls. Sometimes, I feel like it took me longer than it needed to to take these steps, but the truth is that I was simply unable to move with the emotions that had laid siege to my life.
I'm also shaking like I have Parkinson's.
Exhibit D: Meeting and asking out Classic Red. (5 November)
So, okay. I met this super-cool girl last night. I don't want to exaggerate or jinx things, so I'll keep it short. Red and I met at a church function in sort of a clash-of-the-titans-esque conglomerate of people that made quick friends. With that group, we went home for junk food and then up to campus and watched part of a student-written sitcom read through, followed by the fireside (Dallin H. Oaks'). We went back home and talked about all sorts of ridiculous stuff as a group, and then things began to sort of separate, and Red and I ended up sitting on a couch reading through a rainforest book and having smallish talk to get to know each other. At 10:00, I walked her home and asked her on a date at the door. She said yes, which was much better than no.
Anyway, to wrap up, I'm in a good mood. Now it's time to bring this laptop back to the library and go to bed.
Exhibit A: Halloween (31 October)
Spent the evening with my new friend, Stroll Buddy. It was a lot of fun, and she's super fun to talk to, and the food is good. We went to a nearby Thai establishment, then decided what to do for a while at my place, then attempted a walk to Inexplicable Republican's house. No one was home, so we walked back past the smelly duck pond. We spent another bit at my place reading through random books off Flatmate K's shelf, and finally settled on Seuss's greatest hits. Just before we left, she used her super plant skills to diagnose Nadyezhda. Overwatering, just as I suspected! Then I walked her to the bus stop.
It gets a bit complicated here. We had a nice hug, and then she kissed me on the cheek. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problems with kisses on the cheek, and Buddy is super cool, so I had a blast. I just don't know what the kiss meant. I think we have a lot of good connections to understand each other, but I don't feel any chemistry. I'm just worried about the possible problems that could come up if there was something beyond friendly in that kiss. I don't want to threaten such a natural friendship with awkwardness. For the time being, I guess I'll assume the best.
After that, I went over to EuroCanuck's and met Bright Eyes, an enormously cool guy, and possibly the first man who has been, for me, obviously attractive. I think most of the realisation is a result of the smile -- he has one of the best smiles I've ever seen. Anyway, Canuck and family dressed up in the coolest outfits, and Eyes and I had a blast taking pictures.
Exhibit B: Regina Spektor concert (2 November)
This was the first standing concert I've ever been to. The venue was In the Venue, and was a normal looking dance club. No one danced during the concert, though. And Regina was so real and so fun. And so ADD, or so she claimed. She couldn't concentrate with the audience noise, so she asked that we quiet down, and then asked the drunk people to stuff it several times as the concert went on. I heard a few songs I hadn't before, and all in all, it was flat-out worth every penny.
Exhibit C: Possibly drug-related improvement in mood (past two weeksish)
The lithium may be working. My mood spends more time up than I can remember in the past 1 1/2 years. I still do a lot of wavering, but I feel like I'm finally progressing in my path to move on after Broom Curls. Sometimes, I feel like it took me longer than it needed to to take these steps, but the truth is that I was simply unable to move with the emotions that had laid siege to my life.
I'm also shaking like I have Parkinson's.
Exhibit D: Meeting and asking out Classic Red. (5 November)
So, okay. I met this super-cool girl last night. I don't want to exaggerate or jinx things, so I'll keep it short. Red and I met at a church function in sort of a clash-of-the-titans-esque conglomerate of people that made quick friends. With that group, we went home for junk food and then up to campus and watched part of a student-written sitcom read through, followed by the fireside (Dallin H. Oaks'). We went back home and talked about all sorts of ridiculous stuff as a group, and then things began to sort of separate, and Red and I ended up sitting on a couch reading through a rainforest book and having smallish talk to get to know each other. At 10:00, I walked her home and asked her on a date at the door. She said yes, which was much better than no.
Anyway, to wrap up, I'm in a good mood. Now it's time to bring this laptop back to the library and go to bed.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Sleep>consciousness>being out of bed
I'm very tired of life at this point. It makes me wonder about this medication, because I've been better about my diet, better about exercise, and better about my sleep schedule than I have for months. I am feeling ever the more unwilling to date, or even make friends. Life involving other people seems sometimes to be solely a source of discomfort proportionate to my care for them. On days like today, I wish I lived in a cave and ate tubers.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Perpetual stupidity
Why do I have so many memories of being stupid, and doing stupid things, and thinking stupid things? Am I doomed to stupidity memories forever? I've been thinking about how I would feel in twenty years about my obsession with Broom Curls. I want to say I would agree with my present self, that I have reason to be depressed, obsessed, and inconsolable. I'm not so sure, though. If I'm singing lullabyes to my little daughter, could I really feel that any part of the life that brought me there wasn't worth it?
This, I guess, has to do with accepting the past. It doesn't matter what would be best. What's happened has happened, and it's time to move on. Of course, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I know that Curls is still a part of the present. I can continue to spend my life seeking her favor with a minuscule chance of return, or I can continue on with what I have, with no chance of spending my life with her at all. It's a gamble.
This, I guess, has to do with accepting the past. It doesn't matter what would be best. What's happened has happened, and it's time to move on. Of course, no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I know that Curls is still a part of the present. I can continue to spend my life seeking her favor with a minuscule chance of return, or I can continue on with what I have, with no chance of spending my life with her at all. It's a gamble.
Lunaphile
I think I've decided that I love the moon.
I was running this morning, and the moon was there, waiting. It had been on the other side of the sky when I walked home the night before. When the moon has waxed full, it seems like the perfect friend for a jaunt, always up for whatever distance you want. Sometimes it's even out during the day, and somehow that seems more spectacular even than its enormous presence in the evening.
Today is study day. And it's also one week from Regina Spektor's concert! I get to study for the next forever, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. Many of the projects I have going on are sincerely interesting. Hopefully I finish, though. Wish me luck.
I was running this morning, and the moon was there, waiting. It had been on the other side of the sky when I walked home the night before. When the moon has waxed full, it seems like the perfect friend for a jaunt, always up for whatever distance you want. Sometimes it's even out during the day, and somehow that seems more spectacular even than its enormous presence in the evening.
Today is study day. And it's also one week from Regina Spektor's concert! I get to study for the next forever, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. Many of the projects I have going on are sincerely interesting. Hopefully I finish, though. Wish me luck.
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