Newly shod.

I bought four pairs of shoes today. Three were women's. I think my whole wardrobe will be women's clothes by the end of the year.

Anyway, all the women's pairs have a black base. The ones I'm wearing right now have concentric stars radiating from a point on the outside of the shoe. The color of the stars looks like that glow-in-the-dark stuff and I'm excited to see if that's actually the case. Another pair has some sort of polka dots or something, and there's a pair that's flat-out black. The last pair is a men's pair, and they are brown plaid. They fit the best, and cost the most, but probably match the least of my wardrobe. Hmm....

It's about time to go. At ease, as you were, and about face.

"When this old world starts a-gettin' me down,

and people are much to much for me to face...."

Today is Broom Curls' birthday, so I left her a voicemail wishing her a happy one, and spoke a little to her on Gchat. I miss her. I dreamed last night that I saw her at a football game, and tried to not make things awkward. When she caught sight of me, she came over and gave me a hug. I collapsed in a mixture of relief and pain. Beyond that I'll keep to myself--nothing questionable or off-color, just personal.

My hands smell like garlic. I made Eggplant Parmesan, and somehow got the garlic into my skin. It's not from eating it, because it's just my hands. Roommate C or H or someone threw together a spinach salad with goat cheese, and I bought a loaf of French bread and a half gallon of vanilla bean ice cream. I cooked up some Bananas Foster (flambé) to top the ice cream. Overall it was a success. The eggplant was a bit too thickly sliced, and a little bit rubbery, but overall it was good.

For all who haven't heard about Burma/Myanmar and everything going on there, please check this out. I'm not in the right mood to be talking about depressing things.

Dear friends,

Thanks for being around for me. It might seem like your love doesn't always seem to help me feel better, but know that I'd be completely lost without each and every one of you.

The wind tunnel that was the JKB

Yesterday I was trying to exit the JKB after class. For some reason there was an enormous pressure difference between the inside and the outside. You had to lean all the way into the door to get it to open, and then it was like the wind of hell but a lot cooler. It reminded me of movies where Charlie Chaplin is walking against the wind or where people open the door on the plane (except backwards) or like that scene in X-Men III when Wolverine is getting everything except for his pants ripped off by the evil wind.

My ears popped when I finally got outside.

Too Much Fun

So, I'm sitting next to this really cute girl in the lab this one day, and I'm trying with everything I've got to come up with a reason to talk to her. I turn my music off so if the opportunity arises, I won't have to yank the earphones off. She finishes her book, and I'm a little nervous, but it looks like she has something on Blackboard to read still. Phew.

I'm done with my homework, so I have plenty of time to be really awkward. Charla read me a speech she wrote on awkwardness. That was last night. I'm wondering how I can apply the good points.

The best part of sightseeing on BYU campus--the ring check. She's got a nice ring on her left middle finger. Is that sort of an attempt to ward people off a bit?

It's a quiz. She's doing a quiz. Oh, great. I probably have a quiz worth of time to suck it in and go for it. Which I probably won't do. Don't I have enough stress without trying to ask out random girls in the library? If only.



The bag poke. She's cleaning up. Here's my chance if I ever had one....


************************************************************************

Well, folks, I'm successful. I am one phone number the richer, and all it cost me was one clean pair of pants. Almost. Talk about nerve-wracking. I'm not so good at talking any more, but at least I can look over and not feel as awkward as before.

In my note:
"I'm not sure if there's a kosher way of doing this, so at the risk of being awkward, could I get your phone number?
[] Yes
[] No
[] I'm getting a restraining order if you ever talk to me again."

She marked A first, dabbled around C, and then pushed the note back over to me.

So there you have it. I have Lab Girl's phone number, and it'll probably take me another week to get up the nerve to call her, and seeing as she's gorgeous, she'll probably be engaged by then.

Ulterior Motives

Yesterday marked 15 months since Broom Curls ended our relationship for the last time. Since then, I've lost faith in God, but still want Curls. Thing is, they come in a package, if at all. Curls has an unshakable testimony of the Church's divine purpose. I'm pretty sure I'd do anything to get her back, which means I can imagine believing in God for her. But does that really work?

Curls aside, I'm perfectly comfortable (and possibly happier) without God and all those loose ends that trip me up. But I also have no purpose in life, and no passion for it. With Curls, I (usually) had both. It seems sort of a Catch-22, at least if I was planning on ever having any sense of fulfillment.

So there's this possibility of finding God and then finding Curls I think I have about as much chance of that as I do of making a hole-in-one on a par 5 golf course (I can't play worth crap), but it seems to be the only way I can be happy. Or I could wander the world, godless and desultory, and hope to run into someone for whom I feel half so much love as I did for Curls, eternally wondering if I could have been happier.

I don't expect anyone to have a real answer for any of the above. But perhaps someone does have an answer for this: How do I find God when any attempt would be entirely spurred on by a longing for Curls? I can't pretend to care otherwise. For all you theists out there, how do I develop a genuine interest in finding God?

Also, I promised my Home Teachers (members of my congregation assigned to check in on my physical and spiritual well-being) to read the scriptures and pray. Reading the scriptures has been no problem. I'm working on the NIV translation of John, as suggested by my friend Soren. But all of my heartfelt prayers in the past few months have been along the lines of "Dear God, I hate You. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." Somehow, I don't think that's what they were aiming for. What do I say to a God I feel is a mass delusion? What do I say to a God that, were He to exist, I would blame for the rape, murder, molestation, torture, brainwashing, enslavement, beating, and/or starving to death of hundreds of thousands of children every day? I can't think of anything but "Heavenly Father, how could you? Amen."

Poo power!

Funny thing I learned in the past week:

The United States poops roughly 1200 tons per hour. Well, really 'excretes', which I suppose includes pee. But hey, one way or another. Talk about being full of crap. (I found this out because US farm animals apparently poop 130 times more than we do -- 43 tons per second.)

Goals for Today

Okay~

Hopefully today I will get a lot done. Probably not, but that's the hope. I at least need to get what's due on Monday done, but I really should write the intro to my senior paper.

After that, I need to go to Payless and buy some cheap shoes that have rubber soles and breathable uppers. Once the snow starts, those will be rather important. Right now, I have all kinds of shoes except for ones that can get me, daily, to and from campus in the snow. Let's hope I find some good'uns.

It would be great if I could figure out how to pin down a teaching licensure in the near future, but I'm not really sure how I can pull it off. I'm looking at a grad school in Boone, NC, but I need to have a license to start school there. Maybe I'll just have to pick one up at UW before I go into grad school hardcore.

The sorta weekend has sorta started.

Well, I had class yesterday. Therefore, I'm free and clear today, by which I mean I can spend my whole day working on the four or five papers I have to do. Isn't college great? I'm so glad I'll be basically done with my major after this semester.

Now I'm looking at a year from now, and wondering what I'll be doing. Life is much simpler since I stopped hoping for a mission. But now, I'm running into the inescapable fact that I have no experience in any way in the field I want to spend the rest of my life in. Sounds strange, but it's true. So basically, I have no idea what to do. I'm looking at grad schools that work with Peace Corps, but I dunno if I have the qualifications to get anywhere.

I just heard about this artist named Regina Spektor. Amazing. I like her piano and downplayed songs the best, and her words are beautiful as is her technique as are her music videos. I suggest to anyone to try her out.

Tendonitis and Crepitus

I've apparently got tendinitis. I'd been limping the past couple days, and my foot was creaking -- yes, creaking. So I looked up creaking tendons, basically, and found a pretty good description of what was going on.

Isn't it strange how many diseases there are? Well, anyhow, I'm not limping any more and I know what to do to lose it. Stop jackrabbiting my exercise intensity.

I've got my fingers crossed that I have class today. No, really. I know one of my teachers said he'd be gone for the next period, so we didn't have class. If it wasn't today's teachers, it's tomorrow's, which means no class Friday! Weekend starting this evening, woot! But really I'll just spend the time writing papers anyway.

Teenage Fathers Don't Suck All That Bad

Go figure.

19 months

Today marks 19 months since the last time I saw Broom Curls. I don't spend nearly as much time thinking about her lately. Of course, I'm studying a lot, too. You know, a lot of people say that they'll never fall in love again, but how many never do? I don't know which group I want to be in.

It's such a good feeling to be nearly caught up with my reading. I apparently celebrate this by going shopping and writing blogs in order to fall behind again. =) But I got two pairs of pants. They're both women's, I think. One of them is somewhat dark, which is good. I think my body shape needs dark jeans.

I have a new song for my favorites. "The Nearness of You", by Hoagy Carmichael (music) and Ned Washington (lyrics). I suppose that song means I'm probably going to fall in love again. I love being in love, but it's so hard to admit that Curls is gone. And beyond that, I find it hard to believe that there's a girl out there who could make me happier than Curls could. I guess if I meet her, part of how I'll know is that she'll be in love with me too. And I guess our views of God will be more similar.

For all of you just itching to take four linguistics classes at once, let me just tell you that the overlap gets a bit monotonous after a few weeks. It's a good thing I do my homework out of habit.

I am a rock. I am an island.

I got to help my roommate C plant some beans yesterday. It was really fun, but I must have poked a spider, because I have this small, slightly painful bump on my middle finger. That was the hand doing all the digging.

I have some of the most amazing friends ever, who sent me a bunch of stuff to bring me to a better place in life -- music, books, words of wisdom, &c. I'm really enjoying it all, so far. Thanks, you anonymous awesome people, you.

And I might be going to Vegas! Yay! But that would be Thanksgiving if it happens -- still a ways off, but hey.The fun of the thing is a Cirque du Soleil Beatles tribute concert. I doubt we'll spend too much time on the strip.

Class time!

Born Again

Some day I'll be able to hold on to a blog long enough to make it worth it. Today, I'm learning how to do homework. Obviously, since I'm starting a blog while talking about catching up in class, I don't entirely grasp the concept of buckling down. But I'm okay with that.

I'm off to get bagels at the bookstore. They're half off Saturdays, and so you get these fantastic bagels for the price of many store brands.